Because I Need To Remember.

Blogging, for me, is a bit of an emotional processing tool. It allows me to give breath to thoughts in a very organic way. Most of the time they are quite fresh, frighteningly raw, and almost always unrehearsed. I do not write for the sake of being heard ( I yell to accomplish that). Nor do I write as an effort to assert intellect or to gain applause. I write because I feel so deeply and unashamedly. And to be honest, my audible voice lacks in expression, I want desperately to remember defining moments through my own imagery of words. Some moments, like the ones I experienced this weekend, illustrate beautifully another reason why I journal. I love my friends. When I was growing up, I remember my Dad admonishing me about the risks of such deep loyalty in friendship.You give too much. You don’t listen to reason. You forgive too easily.”  In a sense, he was right. I understood what he meant, but struggled, “You can never give too much.” As a young girl, I eagerly dropped things in a heartbeat to hang with a friend. I would spend hours on the phone sorting boyfriend and parent drama, taking up causes, loaning my stuff, whatever….because that’s just what you do. Right? He saw an optimism and devotion that made him nervous. “2nd and 3rd chances only leave you hurt.”  To this day, I disagree with him about this. Why? Because God didn’t call us to disposable relationships. He called us to love. And guess what? The hope to always discover the goodness of others, the treasure of reciprocal companionship has rewarded me immensely. Today, I have a handful of comrades who rival me in deep devotion, heart connections and genuine friendship. They love me and I love them. They understand me and I understand them. When they weep, so do I. When they celebrate, I dance in public (scary if you’ve never seen it.) They are really more than friends. We are sisters.

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This weekend, I celebrated with one of these. Love you, Ainsley.

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Dress: Romeo & Juliet, Shoes: Christian Louboutin, Jewelry: Stella & Dot

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2 thoughts on “Because I Need To Remember.

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